What Is Love Bombing? All The Signs To Look For
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Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by toxic partners to control and manipulate their victims.
It starts innocently enough, with an overwhelming display of affection and attention.
The manipulator showers their target with compliments, gifts, and constant communication, making them feel like the centre of their universe.
Love bombing is “the first stop on the train of every narcissistic relationship” says Clinical Psychologist, Dr Ramani.
However, beneath the veneer of perfection lies a dangerous game of power and control with serious implications.
In fact, the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) has updated its guidance on identifying ways in which abusive partners can manipulate and control people. Love-bombing is now included in the list of tactics.
Love bombing is a term derived from the tactics used by cult leaders to indoctrinate and manipulate their followers.
It is a form of emotional manipulation that aims to create an intense bond and dependency on the manipulator.
Signs of Love Bombing
Recognising the signs of love bombing is crucial in breaking free from its grasp. While it may initially feel like a dream come true, these are the red flags to watch out for:
Excessive praise: Love bombers will shower their victims with constant compliments and adoration. They will make you feel like the most special person in the world, often using grandiose language to elevate your self-esteem.
Constant communication and attention: Love bombers will shower you with constant communication, whether it's through texts, calls, or social media messages. They want to be in constant contact and make themselves the centre of your world.
Grand gestures and extravagant gifts: Love bombers often use grand gestures and lavish gifts to make you feel overwhelmed and indebted to them. They may surprise you with expensive gifts or plan extravagant dates.
Excessive and rapid expressions of love: Love bombers often declare their love very early on in the relationship, even before they have had the opportunity to truly get to know you. They may say things like “You're the love of my life” or “I've never felt this way before” within a short period of time.
Isolation from friends and family: Love bombers want to isolate you from your support network so that they can have complete control over you. They will discourage you from spending time with friends or family and make you feel guilty for doing so.
Accelerated pace: Love bombers want to rush the relationship. They will push for commitment, moving in together, or even marriage within a short period. This intensity is meant to create a sense of urgency and prevent you from questioning their intentions.
Intense need for constant reassurance: Love bombers have a deep need for validation and reassurance that you are equally as infatuated with them. They may constantly seek validation and demand reassurances of your love and commitment.
These signs happen quite soon into the relationship, but it’s important to know that love bombing tends to occur in three phases.
What Are The Three Phases Of Love Bombing?
Idealization: During the initial phase of love bombing, the manipulator showers the target with love, affection, and compliments. They may go above and beyond to make the target feel special and desired. The manipulator may constantly express their love and admiration, flood the target with gifts and attention, and create an illusion of a perfect relationship. This excessive idealization can be overwhelming and intoxicating, making the target feel like they have found their soulmate.
Example: Sarah starts dating John, who turns out to be a love bomber. In the idealization phase, John constantly compliments Sarah, sends her flowers and gifts, and professes his love for her. He takes her on extravagant dates and spends every waking moment with her, making Sarah feel like she is the most important person in his life.
2. Devaluation: Once the manipulator has gained emotional control over the target, they shift their behaviour. In this phase, the love bomber starts to devalue the target by criticizing, belittling, and undermining them. They may become distant, show signs of jealousy or possessiveness, and start controlling aspects of the target's life. The manipulator seeks to chip away at the target's self-esteem and make them dependent on their validation.
Example: After a few months of dating, John's behaviour towards Sarah changes. He starts criticizing her appearance, making snide remarks about her choices, and isolating her from her friends. John constantly questions her loyalty and becomes possessive, making Sarah doubt herself and rely on his approval.
3. Discard: The final phase of love bombing is the discard phase. At this point, the manipulator has achieved their goal of control and may start to withdraw their attention and affection abruptly. They may become cold, distant, and emotionally unavailable. The love bomber might discard the target without any explanation or empathy, leaving them confused, hurt, and seeking closure.
Example: After a year of emotional manipulation, John suddenly breaks up with Sarah over a trivial argument. He shows no remorse and moves on to a new target, leaving Sarah devastated and questioning what went wrong.
Recognising and protecting oneself from love bombing is crucial. Seeking support from friends, family, or therapists can help in recovering from the emotional damage caused by love bombing.
The Psychology Behind Love Bombing
Understanding the psychology behind love bombing can help victims recognise and break free from its grip.
Love bombers often prey on individuals with low self-esteem, past trauma, or a deep need for validation and love.
They exploit these vulnerabilities to create a strong emotional bond and dependency. By showering their victims with affection and attention, they create a sense of euphoria and attachment.
This emotional rollercoaster keeps the victim hooked, making it difficult to see the manipulator's true intentions.
Love bombers also utilise tactics such as gaslighting and emotional manipulation to maintain control over their victims.
They may minimise their victim's concerns, invalidate their emotions, or twist the narrative to make them doubt their own reality.
According to Dr Ramani, the victims of love bombing may also start to gaslight themselves by making excuses and other people around them may start to gaslight them too “They may minimise your red flags because everything else looks so good”.
Understanding these tactics and the underlying psychological mechanisms can empower victims to break free from the cycle of love bombing.
How To Protect Yourself From Love Bombing
Protecting yourself from love bombing starts with awareness and self-care.
Here are some strategies to protect yourself from falling victim to love bombing:
Trust your instincts: If something feels off or too good to be true, listen to your gut. Pay attention to any red flags or inconsistencies in the love bomber's behaviour.
Take it slow: Healthy relationships take time to develop. Resist the urge to rush into commitment or intense emotional intimacy. Allow the relationship to unfold naturally.
Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries early on in the relationship and communicate them openly. A love bomber may push against these boundaries, so it's crucial to stand firm and respect your own needs.
Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals if you suspect you are being love-bombed. They can provide an outside perspective and support you in making informed decisions.
Focus on self-love: Build a strong sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Prioritise self-care, engage in activities that bring you joy, and surround yourself with positive influences.
How To Recover From Love Bombing
Recovering from love bombing can be a challenging process, but with time and self-care, healing is possible.
Here are some steps you can take to recover from the emotional manipulation of love bombing:
Recognise the manipulation: Understand that the love bomber's actions were not genuine love but a form of emotional manipulation. Acknowledge the tactics they used and the impact they had on your emotional well-being.
Cut off contact: Distance yourself from the love bomber. This may involve blocking their number, unfollowing them on social media, or even seeking a change of environment if necessary.
Seek professional help: Consider seeking therapy or counselling to process your emotions and gain support in the healing process. A trained professional can help you navigate complex emotions and rebuild your self-esteem.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship. Surround yourself with a support system that uplifts and validates your experiences.
Rebuild trust: Take time to rebuild your trust in yourself and others. Engage in activities that promote self-growth and self-discovery. Focus on developing healthy relationships built on trust and mutual respect.
If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline at 0808 2000 247 which is open 24 hours to provide confidential assistance from trained advocates.
If you need mental health support, you can visit HelpGuide.org to find a comprehensive list of national and international helplines.
Remember, don't let the allure of love bombing cloud your judgment. Arm yourself with the knowledge to identify and escape this toxic cycle.
True love is built on trust, respect, and genuine care, not manipulation and control.
